Do you ever stop and think why you say no to your child? I mean really stop and think why you took the decision to say no. In my case, I thought that I said no because I don’t want my children to be spoilt, I thought that I was saying no because they need to learn the hard lesson in life that you can’t always get what you want just because you asked for it. Sadly I realized that saying no became a habit and that I had no good reason to say no most of the time.
On Monday Emile asked me if he can take off his shoes, my immediate answer was a firm NO. On Wednesday he wanted to know if he could play with his Legos in front of the TV, and again my answer was a firm NO. When he very politely asked me why not, the all too familiar words left my lips, “Because I said so”. I started thinking about the reasons why I’m denying him most things he asks for and came to the shocking realization that saying no was a habit, and even worst, in certain instances, it was because of my own selfish needs. My reaction to him wanting to take off his shoes was purely out of habit, and when he wanted to play with his Legos in front of the TV I said no because I didn’t want to help him clean up afterward.
It might sound like no big deal. So I said no to a few things, no harm right? Wrong! There are various studies that show that walking barefoot is healthy for kids and just as many studies if not more showing that building Legos develops a child’s fine motor skills. So by saying no I deprived my child of two things that are actually good for his health and development, no matter how insignificant or small it might seem.
I discussed this with Michelle and we came up with two rules
- Think before you say no.
- Say yes, unless there is a really good reason to say no.
I want to discuss rule 2, as it is very broad and vague. Basically, what we came up with as a parenting unit is that we will say yes in most cases unless there is a really good reason, let me give a few examples.
Can I have some chocolate?
We will say yes if it’s Friday, on Fridays our children can have a small piece of chocolate. If the same question is asked during the week, or after they already had chocolate on a Friday, then the answer is going to be no. But with good reason, because they can only get a small piece of chocolate on a Friday, otherwise it becomes unhealthy.
Can I take off my shoes?
We will say yes. They will very quickly ask to put on shoes if their feet are cold. We will only say no if there is a very good reason for it, for example, if a glass broke and there are shards of glass on the floor.
Next time your child asks something, think about it and say yes if there is no good reason to say no. The most important thing is that your children should be happy and feel loved.
We started to implement our new rules over the weekend
Emile asked if we can kick his rugby ball around.
Emile asked if we can play with his Legos in front of the TV. Guess what? I said yes.
Olivia and Emile wanted to eat some chips (Or crisps as they call it here in New Zealand) on the stairs.
