A Bully
A person who uses strength or influence to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.
I feel that we often forget that there are two sides to this coin. As parents, teachers, and guardians we focus so heavily on teaching our children that it is wrong to bully that we forget to instill a very important skill, the skill to fight back. We forget to teach them that it is also wrong to be bullied, and by making this statement I’m not implying that any child should ever feel that they did anything wrong when being bullied, on the contrary, they should be guided well enough to know that the behavior shown towards them is not acceptable in any way, shape or form.
Growing up in a good Christian home, I was raised to always turn the other cheek, not to fight back, to be the better person, textbook style parenting, but not something I agree with. The world is full of monsters, don’t shield your children against it, rather give them the tools to fight back and make sure that they know you are in their corner fighting with them. My 4-year-old son knows that it is unacceptable to ever hit another boy first, but that I have no problem with him defending himself and that I will back him up if that is the case. In saying that, it is important to teach your children how to deal with different conflict situations, my son knows that I will never condone him hitting a girl. In the case where a girl hits him, the process of dealing with the situation is different, he knows that he can verbally inform a girl that her behavior is not acceptable and if she persists, he should get an adult involved to help him deal with the situation. So how do we as parents, teachers, and guardians deal with bullying?
Get the facts
Get the facts, not just from the children involved in the conflict situation, but from bystanders, other children, teachers etc. Without having all the facts you can’t adequately deal with the situation.
Don’t punish a child that defended himself/herself
Don’t punish the child that defended himself/herself, remember that they are the victim, they merely took action to protect themselves and there is nothing wrong with that. They should receive the backup and support from the parent, teacher or guardian that they deserve. Don’t unknowingly condone the actions of the bully by staying neutral. This is a black and white matter, there is no gray area.
Deal with the bully
As a parent, teacher or guardian it is your duty to protect the victim by always taking his/her side. If you are the parent of the bully, you need to make sure that they know just how unacceptable their behavior is, and that it will not be tolerated in the future. It’s also your duty to support the bully in making better choices and improving their behavior, don’t just punish, teach and guide.
Stay involved
This is not a deal with and forgets situation, stay involved with the bully and the victim, both need your support.
Did you know?
Fifteen-year-olds in New Zealand are reporting the second-highest rate of bullying out of 51 countries – Stuff
To contribute to a bully fee New Zealand please visit Bully Free Aotearoa
